I'm recapping and ranking all 10 episodes after the jump (obviously major spoilers for the season ahead)...
NOTE: Please head here for my ranking of EVERY episode.
#10- Valar Dohaeris (3x01)- The
first episode of each season tends to be my least favorite as it’s usually
focused on recapping/setting up the plot instead of forward momentum, and this
is no different. After such a big cliffhanger last year with the advancing
undead army, an off-screen battle deflated much of the hype. As did the absence
of such characters like Arya, Bran, Jaime, and Brienne, though the episode
would have understandably felt too bloated if it accommodated every subplot.
The highlights came in the form of Davos and Daenerys. Davos finally felt like
he was taking some agency when he made his way back to Dragonstone to warn Stannis
of Melisandre and attempt to kill her, which doesn’t go as planned. And I
always welcome an appearance by our favorite pirate Salladhor Saan, who steals
every scene he’s in (which, sadly, has only been two). Over at Slaver’s Bay,
Dany treats with Kraznys to bargain for Unsullied and her new role as Queen
Badass is a welcome return to form after the slow burn of Qarth. This arc
doesn’t peak until episode 4 but we do get the triumphant return of Barristan
Selmy, even if it’s treated with smaller fanfare than in the book.
#9- Dark Wings, Dark Words
(3x02)- After being the most interesting locations in the previous episode,
Dragonstone and Slaver’s Bay are dropped in favor of Arya, Bran, Theon, and
Jaime/Brienne. Bran’s story this season is admittedly playing with scarce book
material but it makes the most out of the introduction of the Reeds. Arya’s
scenes are fun, and Jaime and Brienne continue to produce good chemistry but
the standout scene is the introduction of The Queen of Thorns, and Diana Rigg
sizzles as the scheming grandmother with a candid mouth. Ultimately it’s kind
of on the same level as “Valar Dohaeris” but because it’s juggling more
storylines it doesn’t drag as much.
#8- Mhysa (3x10)- Finales
suffer the same fate as premieres: hitting the final notes for all our
characters before the long break, and setting up next year’s stories. And
surprisingly, a lot of the best stuff from “Mhysa” comes from the supporting
players: the conversation between Bolton and Frey in the aftermath of the
massacre is part chilling, part humorous, and part intriguing because we pretty
much haven’t seen either of them in any scene of substance without one of the
main characters with them. We also return to Pyke and check in with Balon and
Yara/Asha as they get Theon’s dick in a box. Patrick Malahide doesn’t get much
to do as Balon but his performance feels so strong (I’d say his voice plays a
big part) and Yara gives a nice little pep-rally-style speech, though it’s kind
of blunted by being too quick and by being muttered to her father as opposed to
a crowd of soldiers. Oh, and who can’t love Iwan Rheon’s sadistic/hilarious
portrayal as Ramsay Snow taunting Theon with a sausage?
The episode even does right
by the Jon/Ygritte relationship and Kit Harington and Rose Leslie do a lot with
a little. Unfortunately, the episode ends on a misstep. I don’t mind Dany’s
scene with the freed slaves as her entourage looks on, but the shot of her
staring into the sky as we pan upward above the bad CGI-created crowd was so
ridiculously cheesy for a show that only one week earlier had brutally killed a
chunk of its cast. Not a way to get people excited for season 4 but the episode
still seemed to do its job of putting people at ease after the Red Wedding and
showing them that good times are ahead.
#7- The Climb (3x06)- Episode
6 is really kind of average, on the whole. Melisandre arriving to take Gendry
away is a book departure but it does give her a chance to interact with Arya as
well as fellow Lord of Light worshipper Thoros. Her dismay at seeing Dondarrion
revived so many times helps give a new dimension to a character that up until
now had seemed so confident and unflappable, to the point of being a parody.
She also gives a nice bit of foreshadowing to Arya. The episode highlight,
though, is the titular climb to the top of the wall, which looks about as great
as we hoped. By the time Jon and Ygritte reach the top, I finally felt that
their relationship had peaked (pun absolutely intended), and the overlay of
Littlefinger’s speech was a nice touch. Lord Baelish has a pretty quiet season
but he proved he is a force to be reckoned with in this game, as he bests Varys
by having his informant, Ros, killed by Joffrey.
The rest of the episode is
pretty standard though. Scenes with Bolton and with the Freys help plant more
seeds for the Red Wedding. There is some marriage drama in King’s Landing and a
finger-flaying at the Dreadfort, but at least we get a fun scene between Tywin
and Olenna – in which Olenna seems to win. Not a bad episode by any means, but
one that doesn’t have enough highs to compete with the others.
#6- Walk of Punishment
(3x03)- The episode with Podrick becoming a sex god! This is in the pantheon of
great television episodes!......Or perhaps not, but I don’t hate that random
storyline like some others did. I thought it added a bit of humor to a dark
show that was about to become darker. A large portion of “Walk of Punishment”
was funny, actually. Seeing Tyrion and Bronn struggle to figure out the puzzle
of Podrick’s penis brought joy to me, so there we go. The episode is also big
on physical humor. Two early scenes reveal a lot to us with little or no
dialogue: first, Hoster Tully’s funeral where we get a long sequence of Edmure
failing to hit the boat with the flaming arrow before Brynden shoves him aside
and does it in one take. Brilliant bit of character introduction without even
telling the audience who they are. Then we get the Small Council scene where
the gang silently takes their seats in front of Tywin, with Tyrion doing all he
can to screech the chair across the floor and annoy his father.
Jumping around the map, we
get Daenerys negotiating a trade for Unsullied, and the Night’s Watch shacking
up with Craster again – two plotlines that will break open in the following
episode. Not much with Arya and the gang but Hot Pie has a cute goodbye with
his wolf bread. D’aw. And in Locke’s captivity, Jaime and Brienne continue to
show their chemistry, which results in Jaime losing his hand rather abruptly in
the final seconds. I know the ending song was controversial, both for being a
modern rock song in a medieval setting and for ruining the shocking mood of
Jaime’s injury with an up-tempo sound. I didn’t hate it but I would have
preferred a more old-fashioned version of “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”
instead of the one we got. I actually quite liked the one sung by Gary
Lightbody (of Snow Patrol fame) briefly as they trotted through the woods. And
speaking of bears and maidens…
#5- The Bear and the Maiden
Fair (3x07)- This is the annual George R.R. Martin-written episode and his
style is noticeable in a few scenes (notably with Tormund pretending to hump
his backpack) and even the Robb/Talisa scene, and yet the Harrenhal stuff was
originally in a different episode and
was moved to this one. Brienne and Jaime’s bout with the bear is obviously the
highlight, even though it could have been a little more tense but I understand
from a production and safety reason why it is the way it is. But damn, how
great would it have been if they’d tossed Locke into the pit? We get a little
background on Osha and have some good scenes with Dany at Yunkai. This is also
infamously known as the episode where Ramsay performs perhaps the biggest
cock-block ever in history…or perhaps cock-chop is the better word. Comes
dangerously close to sexploitation but still serves a bigger purpose in Theon’s
arc and coloring Ramsay as sadistic. I suspect that on a rewatch I may actually
enjoy Walk of Punishment a bit more than TBatMF but for the moment just having
GRRM’s name attached is enough to put it in the top half.
#4- Second Sons (3x08)- Unlike
most other episodes, “Second Sons” mainly focuses on 3 storylines (there are
also a couple scenes with Arya/Hound and Sam/Gilly but they’re quick and act
more like book-ends to the episode). First we have the intrigue outside Yunkai
as Dany deals with the mercenaries and the mercenaries then try to find a way
to thwart her. Props to Mark Killeen for making a strong impression in the
small but fun role of Mero. It’s also a good debut for Ed Skrein/Daario Naharis
whose chemistry with Dany seems apparent from the beginning. Then we have the
weirdness at Dragonstone. Unlike Theon’s torture scene, I’m not sure there’s a
reason to have Melisandre dick around with Gendry before leeching him (perhaps
to force all the blood to his wang in order to ensure a good amount? Fine, but
unnecessary). Still, it brings Davos back into play and give us good interaction
between Stannis and the three of them as the leeches are sacrificed and curses
are (allegedly) placed on Robb, Balon, and Joffrey. Perhaps this is the turning
point in the saga?
Finally, we have Tyrion’s
wedding (thankfully done very close to the book version) and the feast which
gives Peter Dinklage his best work all season as Tyrion drinks a little too
much, gets increasingly irritated, threatens Joffrey, and then plays it off as
drunken nonsense. You can see in his face and how his hand quivers that
Dinklage is giving everything to that scene. The interaction with Sansa in the
bedroom also provides a great framework for their interactions and hopefully we
get a bit more of that in season 4. The narrowed scope of “Second Sons” works
to its benefit, as Jon, Robb, Theon, Bran, and Jaime are sidelined in favor of
these other stories which have major consequences moving forward in the saga.
#3- Kissed by Fire (3x05)- At
first glance, this doesn’t seem like it should be the 3rd-best
episode of the season. There really isn’t much plot progression or flashy
scenes (other than the Beric/Hound fight but it doesn’t actually contribute much
to the main storyline), but there are a LOT of great character beats that keep
things interesting after the previous episode’s big excitement. First we have
some family time with the Baratheon family, and Selyse is Creepy McCreeperson
with those fetuses in jars. Then there’s Shireen who is seven kinds of adorable
but marred by the greyscale disease. Combine this with the dreary backdrop of
the Dragonstone castle and it’s easy to see why Stannis is so grouchy and
depressing all the time. It goes a long way to humanizing the guy. Shireen
helping Davos read in the dungeons is another great moment.
Moving to Riverrun, Lord
Karstark murders the two Lannister children which prompts Robb to behead one of
his most valuable commanders. Richard Madden usually doesn’t get to play a wide
range of emotions (save for his reaction to Ned’s death) but his fury over Karstark’s
betrayal beneath a curtain of rain certainly gives one the impression that Robb
may be losing his grip on not only his army but the entire war. There’s a quick
scene of Jaime/Brienne arriving at Harrenhal but even that packs a punch as
Bolton trolls Jaime hard by pretending Cersei was killed in Stannis’ siege.
Then there’s the fan-favorite bathtub scene with both Coster-Waldau and
Christie doing good work as we unravel some more layers of Jaime.
Jon and Ygritte get sexy in a
cave – not a personal favorite of mine but it takes their flirting into the
next phase. King’s Landing is ripe with marriage drama, which isn’t always that
exciting (and leads to the Littlefinger/Loras/Spy sequence which goes by too
fast for it to make much sense) but we do get the long-anticipated
Tyrion/Olenna conversation. In Slaver’s Bay, Jorah and Barristan bro down for a
bit and talk about their history and Jorah tries to gauge of Barristan knows
about his spying. Unfortunately Ser Barristan doesn’t really get many other
personal moments this season and hopefully that will be rectified in the
future. Dany assesses her army and is introduced to Grey Worm who vows to keep
his name. Good stuff. But in an episode of highlights, maybe the MVP goes to
Arya and the Brotherhood. The duel is exciting, although it occurs a little too
early in the episode for Beric’s resurrection to have much of an impact. The
rest is gold though. Arya and Gendry have a bittersweet conversation, while
Arya chats with Thoros and Beric about resurrection and where they should go
from here. Maisie Williams continues to be a terrific asset to the show and she
can have chemistry with just about anyone they put into a scene with her. As I
said, a character-driven episode but a great one.
#2- And Now His Watch is Ended
(3x04)- Okay fine, let’s get it out of the way: Daenerys taking down Astapor
was awesome. Kraznys getting what’s coming to him is awesome, Dany revealing
her Valyrian was awesome, her speech to the Unsullied was awesome, the music
was awesome, even that final shot of the army and dragons leaving the city was
awesome. It’s easy to place this episode on a pedestal because of that alone
but it was still just the final several minutes. There’s a lot of other good
things to mention, not the least of which is the mutiny at Craster’s Keep. It
was such a tense chapter in the book and it largely translated well to the
screen, though my only real complaint is that there was no moment where
Commander Mormont had any final dying words to Sam. Could have been a great way
to connect back to Jorah.
Meanwhile, Theon realizes the
“innocent” little janitor boy has been toying with him and gets mindfucked when
he realizes they wandered around in circles and he’s back in the torture
chamber. Things will just get worse for poor Theon from here on out. We check
in with Arya (as they arrive in the cave to meet Beric) and Jaime (as Brienne
tries to lift his spirits after losing a hand) and the scenes are okay but feel
like they deserve to be in episode 5 where we get the cave duel and the arrival
at Harrenhal. There’s a quick pit stop with Bran as he has more dreams but it’s
ultimately not super useful. Finally we have King’s Landing where we get two
great parts. First we have a wonderful visit with Varys where we hear of his
castration and see he has acquired the magician who cut him. A slight book
change, but a welcome one. Varys also chats with Olenna, one of many characters
will have great conversations with her in season 3. Then we arrive at the Sept
of Baelor as Joffrey practically gets a boner while telling Margaery about the
torturous history of the place, and tries to make nice with the crowd. Cersei
is troubled by the growing influence of the Tyrells on Joffrey and the court.
Just a great episode overall, but misses out on the top spot because of a
certain dinner party gone awry…
#1- The Rains of Castamere
(3x09)- Surprised? Of course not. Just like with episode 4, this could easily
be placed at the top for the Red Wedding massacre, but let’s also not forget
that some other cool stuff happens. Bran’s group arrives at an old mill (it’s
the castle of Queenscrown in the book but obviously the budget wouldn’t be able
to handle a giant castle in a lake) and finally link up with Jon and the
wildlings who are in pursuit of a farmer. This leads to a skirmish and Bran
warging into Summer and helping Jon escape (R.I.P. Orell). It’s a pretty
exciting scene and gives a semi-reunion even if Jon didn’t know it, and gives
the impression to the viewers that all of these various storylines can, and
will, converge and link up at points. Osha and Rickon part ways in a tearful
goodbye – oh, and there’s also yet ANOTHER short Sam and Gilly scene but it’s
pretty irrelevant. Over in Yunkai, a plan is made and Jorah, Daario, and Grey
Worm form the world’s greatest tag team as they take out soldiers near the
entrance. The choreography is wonderful and all three get to be badass. The
city seems to “fall” relatively quickly but it does the job.
The meat and potatoes of the
episode is at the Twins, where Edmure weds Roslin Frey and everything seems
nice and positive for Team Stark (there’s actually a few humorous moments
leading up to all this) before the doors close, the band plays the Lannister
theme song, and everybody dies (R.I.P. Grey Wind). Talisa and her unborn baby
are slaughtered brutally, and Bolton quickly dispatches with Robb before
Catelyn screams in agony and kills Mrs. Frey before ultimately losing her own
life in a very quick and silent shot that leads straight to the silent credits.
It’s all very emotional, made even more so by Arya’s arrival, and I do wish I
could put myself into the mind of a GoT newbie and watch it for the first time
and be surprised. Even as I was reading, I knew beforehand that something big
was coming so I have never truly gotten the full effect. In any case, it’s a well-done episode that
contains three great climaxes/action scenes without even anything from King’s
Landing or a couple other locations. Ultimately, I still think I like “Blackwater”
as an episode slightly more than “The Rains of Castamere” but damn, it was fun
seeing the world’s reactions to it for the entire week afterwards.
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