Spoilers after the jump...
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#24- Moonraker (1979)
You would think that "James Bond in space" would provide enough wackiness to make it at least fun to watch. Unfortunately, Moonraker ends up being a chore for me in almost every aspect. I don't fault them for bringing back Jaws, but the unnecessary love story removes any bite (no pun intended...maybe) that the guy had. Bland villain and love interest do no favors here. The one scene that I do like, where Drax sends his dogs to chase down his female assistant in the woods, has a dark and twisted soundtrack like a horror film that made me wonder what a Bond film of that nature would look like. Unfortunately, we never get to explore that. Moonraker is a dud.
#23- Live and Let Die (1973)
I was surprised that I had little love for this one in my
most recent rewatch. The plot is at least somewhat original, the bad guys are
decent (Whisper is criminally underrated), and it's got Paul McCartney up top.
But it ultimately ends up being a bit boring and forgettable. And the boat
chase goes on too long. It had potential though. I just shudder at the thought
of watching it again anytime soon.
#22- A View to a Kill (1985)
It's not that I wouldn't WANT a spy thriller set at a horse
race...but what we got was hardly worth it. Moore's age slows this down to a
trot, although Tibbett provides a likable ally. This might be blasphemous, but
I'm not really a fan of Christopher Walken's Zorin, nor MayDay as a
henchman/love interest hybrid. Like "Live and Let Die", there was
potential in this plot, but it was squandered by poor casting choices. Great
theme song though.
#21- The World is Not Enough (1999)
Pound-for-pound, the Brosnan era is probably my least favorite era
of the franchise. While none of his four are especially headache-inducing, none
of them captured me like some others did, and "World" might be one of
the most bland and formless movies of the lot. A female antagonist is a nice
switch-up that I hope will be utilized in future installments, and more Robbie
Coltrane is never a bad thing. Beyond that...what is there to say? Denise
Richards as Christmas Jones is laughably bad, even for a line of characters
that are built mostly as punchlines.
#20.5- Never Say Never Again (1983)
I include this as a ".5" since it's not
considered part of the official Bond canon - and is largely a remake of
Thunderball anyway. The lack of a gun barrel sequence, opening titles, and any
other familiar actor other than Connery makes this feel like less of a Bond
film and more like a forgettable movie starring a character named Bond.
Brandauer's Largo was pleasantly amusing, and the underwater shark chase was
better than anything Thunderball managed to squeeze out nearly twenty years
earlier. But it's just too much of an off-brand 007 to push it any higher than
this.
#20- You Only Live Twice (1967)
Donald Pleasance’s Blofeld and his volcano lair is one of the most
influential images in the Bond franchise (you’re welcome, Austin Powers), but
it takes a while to get there, and what comes before is less than riveting and more
than a bit culturally insensitive. There’s not a memorable villain to occupy us
until the final act, and although I like Kissy Suzuki, she literally runs
around in her undergarments during the climax. It’s pretty ridiculous. Luckily
the climax is relatively exciting.
#19- GoldenEye (1995)
I realize this will be sacrilege to many a Bond fan, but I just
have not been able to get the hype for GoldenEye. I should like it for the Sean
Bean factor alone but he doesn’t do it for me this time. I do like the
post-Cold War discussion that helped nudge the series into a new direction, and
the intro song/credits are some of the coolest in the catalogue, but the
supporting players are just not my cup of tea. Of all the movies, this one has
the greatest possibility of rising on the next viewing. But it’s not there yet.
#18- Die Another Day (2002)
Die Another Day? Above GoldenEye? Er, yeah. Sorry ‘bout that. But
even though DAD is admittedly dumb, it’s at least the entertaining kind. Ice
palaces, invisible cars, para-surfing, DiamondFaceMcGee, Madonna experimenting
with auto-tune over a torture sequence, and, oh yeah, the villain changes FROM
KOREAN TO WHITE! Yes, it’s all weird, but at least I can remember it. If you’re
not going to make a good movie, at least make one that provides enough stimulus
so I won’t fall asleep.
#17- Dr. No (1962)
The very first movie has some rough spots that need to be smoothed
over, and the titular villain, and his plan, is not fleshed out enough to get a
sense of what we’re fighting against. But it’s ultimately a harmless affair,
with a few interesting moments and unintentional humor. Honey Ryder is an
iconic Bond Girl but she’s completely inconsequential and uninteresting. She
doesn’t appear until well into the adventure though, and the lead-up to it is
so much more constrained and quiet than a lot of other Bond movies. That’s a
refreshing reprieve from some of these adrenaline-pumping,
death-lurks-in-every-scene plots. Am I the only one that wanted to see way more
of the Three Blind Mice?
#16- Diamonds are Forever (1971)
In 2005, when a James Bond marathon flung me into Bond fandom,
“Diamonds” was the first one I saw, so it holds a special place in my heart.
Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are my favorite henchmen of the series; they’re just so
goofy and confident and weave in and out of the narrative to tie up loose ends.
On the other hand, Charles Gray’s (extremely bland) iteration of Blofeld is my
least favorite main villain. Weird how it has these two extremes. But while the
plot is kind of unique, it falls apart at the end when it turns into another
“save the world from large weaponry” mission. Tiffany Case is also not up to
snuff for a Bond Girl. Overall, it’s hard to hate a movie with a dune buggy
crashing a moon set, a schticky comedian called Shady Tree, and a love interest
named Plenty O’Toole.
#15- Thunderball (1965)
I wanted nothing to do with this movie upon first viewing. Upon
the 2nd time, it wasn’t half-bad. The underwater scenes did not
deserve to be as long as they were, and it lacks a kind of grand,
franchise-defining sequence like the other Connery movies, but it’s an
acceptable flick with an acceptable bad guy. The shark pool was neat.
#14- Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
A media megalomaniac? Sure, I’ll bite. “Tomorrow” isn’t
spectacular in any sort of way, but it’s a steady stream of mild fun. Stamper,
Kaufman, and Gupta are the best set of henchmen post-Dalton, and Jonathan Pryce
is getting his kicks as Carver. I prefer my Bond girls to hold their own
against the leading man (probably not a radical opinion at this point, but one
never knows), and Wai Lin is near the top in that regard. Just put it on and
don’t think about it too much.
#13- Quantum of Solace (2008)
As I understand it, the writer’s strike tampered with this a bit,
but the shorter runtime works in its favor. It’s probably not the most pretty
to look at, and Dominic Greene is quickly forgettable, but Camille is kinda
great and the double revenge storylines give this film a different flair than
most of the others. I might be one of the few who likes the theme song. Car
chase at the beginning was annoyingly edited.
#12- The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
This might be the most “average” Bond film, a composite of
everything that came before and after which does nothing wrong but few things
exceptional. I am not as enamored with Jaws as most everybody else but at least
he’s a threat in this movie as opposed to the cartoon character from Moonraker.
Stromberg is unimpressive. I like the concept of the title but not sure I love
Barbara Bach in the role. It’s pretty good, ultimately, but it’s not one I’m
rushing to watch again any time soon.
#11- Octopussy (1983)
Every time I see it this high, I think, “Man, that really
shouldn’t be up there.” Then I remember that the circus is a major force in the
narrative and I get happy. India is an underused location in the Bond universe,
and it’s a rich and colorful locale that provides some interesting elements
(both cultural and natural) unseen in any of the other films. Khan is an
interesting bad guy, and even if I can’t quite track what his grand scheme is,
I still enjoy getting lost in it. Gobinda and Mischka and Grishka are the
perfect kind of minion weirdness. Points docked for Roger Moore really starting
to show his age, and for the scene where he deactivates the bomb at the circus
while wearing a clown outfit, which is one of the rare instances in these
movies where “too much is too much” applies.
#10- The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
“Golden Gun” is the perfect example of “if you’re going to make it
weird, make it REALLY weird”. There is no reason that a martial arts school, a
dwarf henchman, a corkscrew car jump, Scaramanga’s 3rd nipple, and
the out-of-nowhere return of Sheriff J. W. Pepper should all be included in
this, and yet none of it annoys me. The ambiance is set in the very beginning
when a man sneaks through Scaramanga’s funhouse, and that’s really what this
movie is: a wacky funhouse. Christopher Lee is pitch-perfect as Scaramanga,
though I would prefer it if his goal was restricted to just a personal vendetta
against Bond as opposed to the MacGuffin of the solar plant. And the Roger
Moore era is burdened with a line of ineffective and/or boring female
counterparts, of which Mary Goodnight is among the guiltiest. If this were
another story about a Soviet general wanting to start World War III, then maybe
all the bells and whistles would detract. But it’s an assassin who kills his
victims in a funhouse on his island and has Tattoo as his servant. That doesn’t
scream out for realism. I know people hate this one, but screw ‘em, this is MY
ranking.
#9- Licence to Kill (1989)
This may be the most un-Bond-ish Bond
film in the collection – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s also one
of the darkest, which is kind of refreshing from many years of Roger Moore
campiness and zingers. Developing Felix Leiter into something more than a plot
device was an early sign of the good things to come, and I appreciated the
measured management of Sanchez (again, coming off the heels of the
schizophrenic Brad Whitaker and Max Zorin). In addition to Felix’s brutal
torture, it also has two of the more horrifying henchman deaths I’ve seen. I
wouldn’t want all the movies to be like this, but the sheer other-ness of “Licence
to Kill” makes it memorable by default.
#8- Spectre (2015)
Obviously, time will need to settle this one down, but it’s a
welcome member of the franchise. Some critics may disagree, but I applaud the
return to a slightly more goofy film with over-the-top plans, and even still it
wasn’t as oppressive as some made it out to be. Christoph Waltz should have had
more screen-time but what he had was pretty good, and Hinx makes a solid
addition to the henchman canon. I also appreciated the extra effort with Mr.
White, even if Madeline Swann did not quite live up to her full potential.
Bond’s buddies were put to good use, and the intro sequence was a knockout. It
really could have been shaved 15-20 minutes and featured a climax that avoided
the “damsel in distress as a bomb is about to go off” cliché, but as a cap(?)
to the Daniel Craig era and a return to classic 007, it does the job. 
#7- On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Poor Lazenby gets no respect. But in his sole outing as 007, he’s
not bad! We weren’t able to see a full range of acting, but his version of Bond
at least comes off as warmer than Connery, Dalton, or Craig, and less of a goof
than Moore. It’s a slow start, but once we climb the mountain to Blofeld’s
secret facility, it’s a unique ride all the way to the end. Sticking Bond with
a love interest that is more than a one-night-stand was way ahead of the curve;
and Tracy, thankfully, is a female of the more independent persuasion. Telly
Savalas is the best version of Blofeld, and the snowy mountain landscape is a
personal favorite of mine. One notable knock against it is Lazenby’s completely
empty response to Tracy’s murder. It ends the movie on a stumble. You could
argue it’s a better fit with the overall outline of James Bond but after all
that buildup it just rings cruelly hollow.
#6- From Russia with Love (1963)
This is probably the most spy-esque installment of the spy series.
There’s almost no weak spot and little room to zone out, as we zip in and out
of various vignettes, from the Turkish camp to the fierce fight on the train
ride, to the helicopter chase and boat battle. Kerim Bey makes for a fun ally,
and the true introduction of SPECTRE gives us a memorable roster of
antagonists. Possibly Connery’s best performance. This could honestly go up to
number 4 or 3 at some point; it’s just a slick and cool adventure. In looking
for flaws, perhaps Rosa Klebb could have been more effective, and Kronsteen’s
true abilities should have been showcased. Red Grant makes up for them though,
and his secret “guardian angel” status for 007 is a cool addition. Q’s gadgets
to the rescue!
#5- Goldfinger (1964)
Everyone loves Goldfinger. We know that. It does almost nothing
wrong. It’s original, it’s brisk, it’s got tons of classic scenes and lines,
and maybe the quintessential Bond Girl name. Auric Goldfinger and Oddjob set
the standard for villain/henchman dynamics that are still used to measure their
successors to this day. It comes in at number five because, while it does have
a high floor, its ceiling is not as high as the ones above it, and they have a
lot more going on. But the Midas Touch is evident with this one.
#4- Casino Royale (2006)
The Daniel Craig era kicks off with a bang, as we get an inventive
twist on the gun-barrel sequence, and a bonkers parkour chase through a
construction site. As you’ve probably figured out, I enjoy schemes that are not
retreads of previous movies, and here we have our main villain (LeChifre,
magnificently brought to life by Mads Mikkelson) actually operating defensively
rather than offensively, and high-stakes poker is a surprisingly effective
tension-maker. Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd and Jeffrey Wright’s Felix Leiter add 21st
century dimensions to characters that have a history of being flat. Craig has
perhaps the least-approachable Bond thus far, but makes a strong case for
himself as the new face of a franchise. It loses a couple of points for a lack
of humor, and going on a beat too long.
#3- Skyfall (2012)
The reboot is nearly complete, as we are reintroduced to Q and
Moneypenny, and get a new M in his regular office. All three actors are great
additions, although I wasn’t sold on Ben Whishaw until Spectre. The middle
portion in China is a little draggy, but otherwise this is captivating from
start to finish. I’m a big fan of the final segment at the mansion (Kincaid
4ever), and appreciate the choice to not have a main Bond girl. When they
works, it works. When you have to find ways to integrate them into the story
when Bond should have other things on his mind, it can be a real hindrance.
This is maybe the most personal story there is, so it’s good that his full
attention is paid to Silva. Really, if not for China this could be my 2nd
or maybe even 1st favorite movie. And Adele’s theme song is a throwback
to classic-era themes like Goldfinger and Diamonds are Forever.
#2- For Your Eyes Only (1981)
There’s no great way of explaining why I love this one so much.
It’s not super flashy, it doesn’t have many of the series’ iconic moments. It
just gives me a warm and cozy feeling. After the massive disappointment of
Moonraker, we reel it back in and get a smaller-scale personal story, with a
focus more on personal interactions. Melina Havelock, Colombo, and Kristatos
are all great characters, and Kriegler is my favorite type of strong, silent,
blonde assassin. Bond actually rejecting a girl for once is an amusing wrinkle,
and the snowy Olympics locale is one of my favorites. It all just comes
together nicely, and the lack of wild chases or massive action scenes helps
cover up the fact that Roger Moore is starting to show his age. I could watch
this one any time.
#1- The Living Daylights (1985)
Yes, this is my favorite, believe it or not. I have
no real complaints. Timothy Dalton is pretty underrated as 007 and is usually
seen as a “darker” version, but there’s still this charm that you see with Connery
or Brosnan; and Kara Milovy, while not the best female companion, holds her
own. Some people hate Whitaker and Koskov, I personally find them fun and kind
of pathetic in the right sort of ways. Whitaker’s lair, in particular, says so
much about him that even though he is taken out rather easily, it’s fun to
watch it happen. Kamran Shah and General Pushkin are two of the best allies, in
that they’re more of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” kind. Necros is also
amazing. Milk bottle bombs? Strangling headphones? You don’t get better than that.
Hell, I even love the cello case chase. I don’t really have anything to
criticize, it’s all the best parts of James Bond with practically none of the
shortcomings that so many of them fall into. Add in the perfectly 1980s theme
song, and you have an easy number 1 pick. Sorry, GoldenEye fans.
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